March 15th – Toilet Paper Roll

So I had this one girl over the other day to watch Game of Thrones (cause she ain’t hip yet), and to mess around a little (let’s be honest).

I met her off a dating app called Bumble, so I didn’t know what to expect. I mean I’ve fucked around on my fair share of dating apps (in the literal sense), but Bumble was new. Her bitmoji was her in a bee outfit, so anything is possible…within the realm of her being a literal bee, of course.

It didn’t take long to break the sexual tension. We met up at the Chipoltle near my place, and food acts a pretty effective pesticide for those pesky butterflies floating around in your stomach. Also, the first episode of GOT was pretty dry. Not that I planned that shit or anything, but you know how pilot episodes are

While we’re making out on my bed, she asks to use the bathroom. She had to remove my pull-up bar perched in the way, which even though I hardly use, definitely worked in my favor.

Unfortunately we didn’t get around to having sex, cause she was schedule for work soon. Normally I’d assume the poor timing to be some sort of excuse, but she mentioned it the night before, while setting the specifications for our tryst.

So anyways we make out for a bit more she leaves, and exchange the conventional “I had a great time.”

After that I went in my bathroom to take a shit, cause the Chipotle was beginning to creep its way through the other end of my colon. When I was done unleashing my pent up poopy monstrosity, I went to reach for the toilet paper.

“Well that’s strange”, I figured, as I saw that my roll of toilet paper had been perfected lodged aloft on the toilet paper holder. The way it was meant to be. I’m normally too lazy to take the menial amount of time and effort to do that. I usually just keep it resting on the sink.

Then it hit me. She actually took the time to see that my toilet paper wasn’t in the designated spot, stuck the phallic piece of the toilet paper holder through circular roll of the toilet paper, and latched it right one the mantle. All on her own accord! Sure, this only takes all of about 5 seconds, but that’s 5 seconds I never spend.

Now considering that this was the first date, it would be a bit presumptuous to call her a “keeper” (get it?), but she was awesome for that.

Well, time to overburden her with my constant need for affection until she gets creeped out or something and leaves! Whoop.

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