April 8 – Table Lady

So I was watching someone’s Instagram story over the weekend, of them at the most elaborate wedding I’ve ever seen. Mermaids, fire dancers, and Indian emcees that managed to fly out all the way out from India to what looks like Miami.

But you know what really took the (wedding) cake? There was a lady who was there dressed up as a motherfucking table. With hors d’oeuvres on that bitch and everything. I’m assuming she got paid to stand there the whole time, and smile while people objectified her as a…table.

I wonder if she does this on a regular basis, like as a profession. Imagine explaining your career choices to your parents, like “Ma, pop, I decided to drop out of school and pursue a career as a table. Now I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry, it’s a stable job.”

See what I did there?

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